Indonesian Dating Cultures – Pure Asian Dating Style

Do you want to know about Indonesian dating culture? People who never visit Indonesia will assume that Indonesian is very strict, religious-freak, and even holding into primitive rules when it comes to dating rules. Well, some of them are true (Asian lovers are screaming). Yet find out more about Indonesian dating cultures if you plan to have a hot and nice Indonesian girlfriend or boyfriend. 

1. Most of Them Still Live with Their Parents

If you are Western person reading this with the culture of leaving the house when you turn 17 or even 15, then it’s a different story to Indonesian teenager. 40% Indonesian above 17 still live with their parents but they are still tough. Some of them live alone or wander in different cities for school or work. 

Indeed, for those grown-up who still live with their parents, they gotta follow the parents rules. Pernahkah Have you ever heard about Asian parents behaviours? Yes, they are typically strict, old, and the kids need to always obey them no matter what. 

What I am trying to say is, you can’t live together with your boyfriend or girlfriend here cause most of them are still living with their family squads. If you do want to live together, make sure you stay in the environment that allows you to do so. Otherwise, the neighbors and family will mouth you for not following the Asian culture and religious rule. 

2. Family Approval Is Super Important

Let’s talk more about Asian parents here. If you are dating someone, you need to introduce him or her to your parents and family. Sometimes they will say no, which means you should break up with your lover. 

Indonesian parents will likely tell you about what the criterias of your future lover should be. When it comes to a marriage, you can’t get married without your parents approval. It’s like most Indonesian are family oriented, yes! 

Meanwhile, it all depends on you and other situations. Sometimes you need to fight more for your lover when your family is against your relationship. If you are a Western person trying to marry an Indonesia, getting close with their family is a nice first step. 

3. Most Indonesian Wants Lighter Skin

Most Southeast Asia people born with brown or darker skin and eyes. Indeed, they are dreaming to have lighter skin as it narrates in most skin care advertisements. Yeah, the irony of the beauty standard they are telling us is dangerous! 

So, the girls and boys think that it would be beautiful to have lovers which have lighter and smooth skin. Maybe that’s why they like you, dear Western people reading this. In contrast, you guys think Indonesian are attractive because their skin is the color or true sexy and excoctic. 

Meanwhile, that beauty standar “the lighter skin color is prettier” slowly has gone. People are smarter and more confident with what they have. We are Indonesian people are genuinely beautiful with not only looks, but inner beauty. 

Read More: Indonesian Muslim Wedding Ceremony (Sacred Steps and Ceremony)

4. If You Wanna Take Your Indonesian Lover to Walk Outside 

Sad but true, but most of Indonesian people don’t really like walking outside from place to place. There are many factors such as: 

  • The city designs don’t have space for people to walk far.
  • It’s always hot outside. 
  • It’s not so safe to walk outside. 
  • We don’t really have an open space or garden in the cities. 

Also, we have mindsite that taking a motorbike or car is cool. You can see many people riding motorbikes in most of the streets. If you want to take them for a walk, make sure that the street is safe and comfortable. You can also ask her for a walk on Free Car Day on Sundays that is now available in most cities. In addition, now public transportation such as TransJakarta, Commuter Line Jabodetabek, and Jakarta MRT can be a nice trip for a couple to go out. 

5. Texting in Relationship 

It depends on the person, but most of Indonesian really like talking or texting mostly with their current boyfriends and girlfriends. Lemme tell you, they love to be randomly texted. 

Sometimes, they like the “goodmorning and goodnight text” or an “I miss you” text during lunch time. They even like to ask cringy text like, “have you done your dinner?”  Indeed, it depends on how you guys like it in the relationship and people are sometimes too busy to text, right? 

6. Investigator Type of Girlfriend 

Don’t mess with Indonesian girlfriends! I mean, don’t mess with the woman you are dating because they are greater than the FBI. You know that very well! They are highly intelligent to find something or whatever you are hiding from them, eventually they will find out with their common sense and gut feeling.

7. No PDA (Public Display of Affection)

We are talking about the ultimate Indonesian dating culture, which is no public display of affection in most of the places. Yes, you can’t kiss or even hug your lover in public. That’s considered inappropriate. Even posting a picture of you kissing your girlfriend can be something illegal for people who saw that. They might dislike you for being too vulgar. 

Even when you are married, you can’t kiss your wife in front of other people. Sometimes you can’t even hold their hands in public. You might show your affection in certain places in a cool environment. 

8. How About Sex?

In most of Indonesia dating culture, it is taboo to talk about sex. Asian parents don’t talk about sex that much until their kinds learn it by themselve from a secret porn films. Ouch, sorry!

Indeed, most of Indonesian peole belive you can only do sex after marriege and virginity is the jewls. We don’t really know about hookups, one night stands, friend with benefits, or casual relationship terms. You can’t live together with your lover, tho. I told you, but again it depends on the person! 

9. The Equality of Man and Woman 

Indonesian women are gold. They are beautiful, friendly, smart, and mostly nurturing. Yet, the stereotypes of males above females is still a big issue here. The concept of husband should be working and wife should be in the kitchen still happens in the cities. 

Meanwhile, everything is getting better where there are many working mothers that keep the balance as a mother and a career woman. Also, men respect it. It’s now okay to see father cooking after work and the mother preparing the dining table. Lovely! 

10. Marriage at The Young Age

Based on the Central Statistics Agency (BPS), 37.91% young girls get married at the age 10-17 years old and get divorce at 16 years old. The rules are, male can marry at 19 and female at 16.

Indeed, most of Indonesian get married at such a young age. Even after finishing high school or graduating from college, the neighbors will ask you about, “when are you getting married?” almost everyday or when they see you stay single for ages.

Don’t know what but they still use marriage as the indicator of success in life, mostly for women. That’s kinda frustrating sometimes but right now, as I told you, Indonesian women have become so powerful and know their rights.

11. Keep Ex-Lovers Away 

It’s not the specific Indonesian dating cultures, but dating in general. Please, better keep your ex-lovers as a secret cause you irritate and hurt your current lovers. Maybe in Western culture, it’s okay to even tell your current lovers about how many people you have ever hooked-up with, but for Indonesian that will be a heartbreak truth to deal with. 

Read More: An Open Letter to My Abusive Ex Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend

12. You Ain’t Dating If They Don’t Say I Love You

I know, there are many ways to say I love you without saying I love you. Meanwhile, it’s like no dating if you haven’t told them you love them. They want a true relationship and that 3 words is the powerful key to prove it.

13. How About Virginity? 

Have we ever talked about virginity? Not only in Indonesia, some parts of the world still think that virginity is everything. It’s sacred for women. The man will likely marry only a virgin woman. It doesn’t sound fair if you are a feminist, or Western people with open-minded soul, or a wise man. 

Indeed, everything basically comes back to the person. That’s all the Indonesian dating cultures, the typical. Yet there are always people who agree with the cultures or disagree and have other opinions. It’s all okay. If you have Indonesian lovers, you better talk to them about everything. 

Read More: South Korean Dating Culture – 17 Traditions and Customs

More Rules in Indonesia Dating Cultures

Meanwhile, dating culture in Indonesia is basically based on the couples. Yet somehow, they still hold the traditional culture such as eastern culture or religious-oriented rules. Thus, here are more traditional Indonesian dating culture you need to know:

  • No Nude Picture. If you go online and ask an Indonesian girl for a nude, then you will be in total trouble.
  • Good Attitude. They love good boys and good girls. Yet for the Indonesian guys, they love good bad girls too.
  • No Free Sex. Some Indonesian take virginity as their pride. No sex before marriage is a must. Thus, if you dating an Indonesian girl, be careful to ask her for sex.
  • Religion Thingy. Most of Indonesian girls want a future husband in their religion, no offense.
  • Saturday Night Dating. It’s become a common habit that they will go out on Saturday night. It’s the Thank God It’s Friday dating in Western world. 

Of course those things I mentioned above are just some generalization, not applied to all Indonesian. There are exceptions because in real life, it is really up to individual preferences and don’t judge that every Indonesian has the same characteristics.

Tips for Dating Indonesian

After I explain a lot about dating culture in Indonesia, here I want to give you some tips if you are a foreigner ad wants to date Indonesian people:

1. Respect Their Culture and Their Parents

Since Indonesia stands with hundreds of cultures, you can’t blame the person you date because their backgrounds or how they act are different than yours. Show them your respect for their culture and you need to study about their culture because that is important for the going of the relationship. For the example, premarital sex, some Indonesian will thinks this is not permitted whilst, other Indonesian don’t mind about this.

When they celebrate Eid Mubarak (if they are muslim) their big family will gathered in the oldest member of the family house and they celebrate it for like 3 days. Or even before Eid Mubarak, they will do ‘mudik’ which means coming back to where they came from. Mudik is very common for Indonesian, they will sacrifice themselves in traffic jams just so they can come back to their home and celebrate Eid Mubarak. Secondly, respect their parents. Your partner would put their parents in the first place. Don’t you ever talk bad about their parents, ever!

2. Give Them Your Attention

Most of Indonesian love to get attention from their partner. From the simple thing, asking about having had dinner or a simple ‘what’s up’ can make them happy. This means that you care about them. 

3. Respect Religion 

Indonesia is the largest Muslim in the world. As many of them are Muslim, their dating culture belongs to the religion rules. Yet, it depends on the person, but whoever you are dating, always respect and spread love.

4. Be The Good Ones 

If you are dating someone, be good. Indonesian are so traditionally friendly and good people. So, they also love good lovers, good futures, in the good moment.

Actually, you can date people no matter where they come from. Just in case you are dating an Indonesian, you may note some things I have written above. In case you ever heard, always spread love on every corner. 

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